Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
