I think my fart just growled at me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
