i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
