it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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