my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize