listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
