dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize