Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
