Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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