I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
