I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
