he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
