She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize