What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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