they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
