i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
