I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
