Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
