Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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