I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
