The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
