Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
