He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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