call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
