We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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