What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
