Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
