Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
