I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
