used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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