I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize