She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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