you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
