There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
