I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
