i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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