K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
