so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
