I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
