too bad you live with your parents still
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize