nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so let's talk penis.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
