first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
