I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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