I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
