I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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