It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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