At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
