I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am one with the molecules
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
