thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
NoShamevember. You game?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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