I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
