walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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