what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
