4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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