is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
