"it" just moved
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
