I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
