YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drake has all the answers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize