Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
someone owes me an orgasm
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize