the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
