she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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