I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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