Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
