Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A+ Viking dick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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