Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize