yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
