did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Life is so much better after having sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
