Duck Duck Cougar?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
