If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
