my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize