This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
