Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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