At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think your dad took our porno
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
