Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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