If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
