Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
