how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
