it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
