It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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