Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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