So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
