I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
