In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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