The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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