I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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