I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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