also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
