Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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