The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize