I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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