New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
