Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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