theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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