god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
