PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
