Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
