I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
