Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
