I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
