when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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